it’s the little things.

hey, it’s me again. Hope everyone’s good in your hood. So this early morning, the thought that has been circulating my mind lately is ‘the little things’.

By little things, I mean the small details that are overlooked by most, the good morning/night texts, the checking up on you calls, forehead kisses, noticing that I changed my hairstyle, nails are done, skin glowing, letting me know when I have lipstick on my teeth, remembering my favourite sweets, the hugs and the hand squeezes… okay, maybe I watch too many movies but that shouldn’t be an excuse even though I feel like it has become one in today’s day and age. It definitely exists out there and I know it’s real but rare. To me anyways. It doesn’t even have to be of the romantic sort,  even people you call your ‘friends’. When you feel like no one cares, trust me when I say it’s the worst feeling.

The thought that led to this ‘it’s the little things’ thought is that I’ve noticed a reoccurring cycle that I have been going through with people and it goes something like this… I’ll get really close to someone, spill most of my insides so I practically only have my pancreas left, my inner thoughts, my past, current problems then things are alright for a while and I finally think I have found that person who I can trust but nope. I don’t know what happens and then we just naturally drift apart. I don’t know if it’s me or what but it’s happened enough times for me to now notice it. Like, am I that small to be forgotten so easily? Did I really mean that much to them? I know life happens and people drift apart, that’s normal but nuh uh. I believe that I’ve past that ‘normal’ stage. Again, I’m led down another spiral of stairs into thinking whether I’m just that boring, naive of life that no one bothers to keep in contact. Even though I’m someone who has a hell of a lotta love to give, because of these circumstances I’ve been forced to learn how to be content with me, myself and I. It’s still a work in progress but I’ll get there. 

The most recent person who I got close to, had actually been so different. It wasn’t just me spilling tea everywhere, they were too. They would check up on me and everything and it actually felt so good in a heart warming kind of way. So I thought, oh okay…this MIGHT actually be someone who genuinely cares but I was still cautious because Mama didn’t raise no fool. Then something happened as per, and here I am, stranded again.

Bottom line is: humans are complicated.

I ain’t blessed with ‘universally good looks’ so money isn’t and can’t be my objective. Just to find a simple somebody who I can talk to, trust and provide the ‘little things’ is now the issue. Hopefully, they’re out there, hopefully.

Signed,

Thoughts of a Thinkaholic xo

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go best friend! that’s my best friend!

So my last post was a bit meh and although I have loads of days where I feel meh, I do actually have a few good days, even if they are few and far in between…

But tonight I want to talk about friends, best friends or my lack of thereof. I do not have a best friend and it is something that weighs on my mind VERY heavily that it sucks, so bad that it feels like nobody cares. I know that we were born alone so we die alone, trust no one, la di dah di dah but it actually SUCKS!

It sucks not having someone to talk to, it sucks not having someone who I can share life experiences and goals with, it sucks not having someone who you can be your complete self around, it sucks not having someone who you can call at 1AM to talk about absolutely nothing with or text with a guaranteed reply within the next 24 hours. I know everyone is human and has their own lives so this makes me sound selfish but damn, a girl can dream. Right?

I am a strong believer in ‘I’ve gotta see it to believe it’. It’s all good throwing a couple of words around but if you don’t pull through, then what’s the point? Someone will tell me that they’re here for me, whenever I need them but are you really tho? (shoot, if they were I probably wouldn’t have started this blog). I am quite a literal person when it comes to certain things, especially that phrase of ‘I’m here for you’, and is it a crime to expect the same thing from someone else? If it is, please let me know because I’ll need to change a few, okay maybe a lot, of things. And of course, I’m not expecting to dump my psychological mess on someone and that’s it, I could go to a therapist for that but I’m a great listener and would be honoured if someone felt I was good enough to listen to them.

I am probably a fantasist, dreamer, naive whatever you want to label it as but as I said in my last post, once you show me a little bit of care or empathy I will most likely pour out whatever is bothering me at that time to you but I always end up with the same results – nobody. But maybe that’s my fault, I keep letting people in and expecting a specific response from them. Maybe I need to lower my expectations but that is way easier said than done.

I just seem to go through the same cycle with people and each time I tell myself to never open up to anyone again until I am sure that I can. But a countless number of people later, here I am wondering why I even bother. It would have been safer and better keeping my problem(s) within my tangled web of thoughts. Although now, I am not going to lie, I have toughened up a bit through these experiences and I promise before you and me, not to waste my time trying to force a friendship with someone until they show that I can trust in them. Until then, it’ll just be me and these blog pages.

Have a blessed day and see you on the next post.

Signed,

Thoughts of a Thinkaholic xo


Hey, how you doing? I would love to hear about your experiences with friends and even if you have one of these God sent best friends, I promise that I won’t get jealous lol. Leave a comment below, I don’t bite 🙂