So my last post was a bit meh and although I have loads of days where I feel meh, I do actually have a few good days, even if they are few and far in between…
But tonight I want to talk about friends, best friends or my lack of thereof. I do not have a best friend and it is something that weighs on my mind VERY heavily that it sucks, so bad that it feels like nobody cares. I know that we were born alone so we die alone, trust no one, la di dah di dah but it actually SUCKS!
It sucks not having someone to talk to, it sucks not having someone who I can share life experiences and goals with, it sucks not having someone who you can be your complete self around, it sucks not having someone who you can call at 1AM to talk about absolutely nothing with or text with a guaranteed reply within the next 24 hours. I know everyone is human and has their own lives so this makes me sound selfish but damn, a girl can dream. Right?
I am a strong believer in ‘I’ve gotta see it to believe it’. It’s all good throwing a couple of words around but if you don’t pull through, then what’s the point? Someone will tell me that they’re here for me, whenever I need them but are you really tho? (shoot, if they were I probably wouldn’t have started this blog). I am quite a literal person when it comes to certain things, especially that phrase of ‘I’m here for you’, and is it a crime to expect the same thing from someone else? If it is, please let me know because I’ll need to change a few, okay maybe a lot, of things. And of course, I’m not expecting to dump my psychological mess on someone and that’s it, I could go to a therapist for that but I’m a great listener and would be honoured if someone felt I was good enough to listen to them.
I am probably a fantasist, dreamer, naive whatever you want to label it as but as I said in my last post, once you show me a little bit of care or empathy I will most likely pour out whatever is bothering me at that time to you but I always end up with the same results – nobody. But maybe that’s my fault, I keep letting people in and expecting a specific response from them. Maybe I need to lower my expectations but that is way easier said than done.
I just seem to go through the same cycle with people and each time I tell myself to never open up to anyone again until I am sure that I can. But a countless number of people later, here I am wondering why I even bother. It would have been safer and better keeping my problem(s) within my tangled web of thoughts. Although now, I am not going to lie, I have toughened up a bit through these experiences and I promise before you and me, not to waste my time trying to force a friendship with someone until they show that I can trust in them. Until then, it’ll just be me and these blog pages.
Have a blessed day and see you on the next post.
Thoughts of a Thinkaholic xo
Hey, how you doing? I would love to hear about your experiences with friends and even if you have one of these God sent best friends, I promise that I won’t get jealous lol. Leave a comment below, I don’t bite 🙂