bad luck. 

 

As the title of my blog suggests I think. A LOT. so what better place than here to spill the contents of my brain?

Right now, I am going through another one of these rough patches of mine. It’s either I have bad luck or I am just cursed. I’m starting to believe it’s the latter. I can recall a time when everything was going well for me, I had little to no worries and life was good. Apart from the fact that I was never allowed to go out but things could have been worse.

I remember the exact point when my life, through my own eyes, started to go down hill and that’s when I started college. I had left where I had attended secondary school and was made to go to an independent sixth form basically because my father had seen the previous Oxbridge students this sixth form college had produced and thought it would make one out of me. Honestly, I do regret leaving my secondary school but hey, the way it works in my household, I had no say. Although my younger siblings are breaking these boundaries as I look on thinking I could never do the things they get away with or say the things they say sometimes.

But boy, I did nothing but struggle in college. 5 AS Levels which was probably a big mistake in hindsight, no social life whatsoever, no one to properly talk to because when I tried they didn’t really understand along with the social pressure of trying to fit in. All these among other things all added up to the beginning of feeling depressed. Like why me? I know my life is nowhere near as bad as some but it still sucks, you know?

Then today, it’s like the closer I get to  finishing this degree, the worse it gets. The bad luck is just flowing in surplus. I had been moping about all day, stress eating my way through junk food and people tried to help but it just didn’t work. I start to think if it’s because I complain too much of the situation I’m in as if I am ungrateful when there are people doing the exact same course and they’re just getting on with it. Or is it something else?

I’ve realised that I go through a cycle where there is always a trigger. It’s either something happens to me, I listen to a song that reminds me of something or someone innocently says something which sets me back off into dark territory.  I then log out of my social media accounts or delete the apps (all except WordPress, of course) from my phone and just use that time to think. Then just when I seem to come out of it, I’m hit with anther trigger. I will laugh, joke and smile as much as the next man even though I’m dying inside. I want to be wholly happy but the way life is panning out…pfft.

I’m just praying that this is a phase that I will come out of because its actually grim. I know I’m not meant to be or think like this, it’s just not ME. If anyone has any advice to help break out of this, I’d love that. You can leave it in the comments below and that’s where this thought ends.

Signed,

Thoughts of a Thinkaholic xo

 

Two posts in two days, well dang girl. Do yo’ thang 😂 *wipes forehead*

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Book Review: “The Game – undercover in the secret society of pickup artists” by Neil Strauss

Let me be honest, I had no business reading this book but I grabbed it after listening to the #3ShotsOfTequila podcast with Marv Abbey, Tazer Black and Mr Exposed (shout out to you guys!).

Not going to lie, but with my near non-existent history with males I thought the book would give me some kind of insight into how they think (stupid, I know). But on the upside, I didn’t gain insight into that. It was a drag to finish the book but something told me to continue reading. Normally I would have dropped the book if I’m not into it by the time I hit the fifth chapter but I’m glad I pushed on because I gained insight into something else completely: the issue of mental health and state of mind.
Without giving too much of the story away, there’s an online community of these ‘pick-up artists’ who ooze confidence and can get any girl they want with ‘tried and tested’ routines. Neil Strauss now, he’s a guy that has always wanted to be ‘that guy’. He seen them, is/was friends with them and now wants to be one of them. So he travels around in pursuit of becoming a pick up artist and along the way makes friends with a lot of these pick artists; in particular an acclaimed pick up artist called Mystery who has some internal issues but appears to cover them up with being a pick up artist.

So back to the point I was trying to make, those who smile are not always the ones that are happy. Same here as those who put across these big egotistical characters are not always what they seem.

Depression is real.

LONELINESS is real.

Being depressed is not just slit wrists and sad letters. It may just be that they feel alone, worthless, that no one cares and just need someone to send them a text or drop a call to let them know that they care or are being thought about.

In this hard world, with all its trials and tribulations, it seems like simple friendships are slowly getting lost at a time where people need them most. So if you’re reading this and you have someone who you have been meaning to text, call, Facebook message, instagram dm… do it now. Let them know you care. It’ll only take a minute.

Signed,

Thoughts of a Thinkaholic xo